I want my life back

The fifth of October, 2019. I’m still awake since yesterday. Only one year has passed since my graduation from college. It feels like a long long time ago!.. It’s 4:30 AM, I should be sleeping, but instead I’m binge-blogging. It’s a way for me to be away from Facebook.


I’ve been using Facebook since 2008. In this year I was graduating high school. After graduating I traveled to another city to study Engineering. I was living in a dorm, so I had no TV, and no smartphones or internet. My only connection to the outside world was going to a near cyber cafe and opening Facebook. At that time began my addiction to Facebook. There’s something very relaxing about writing and posting!


Now I’m taking it to WordPress, it gives me the posting feature, but with much less of the noise in the background. I can write where no one is following me. Where I just talk to myself, about myself!

The first year at college went great, I got myself a couple of As and Bs, and was very proud of myself.. I only got one F at the Physics B course. I was going to specialize in Mechatronics Engineering. I’ve always wanted to be great at something special! Mechatronics department sounded like something a few people knew of at the time. I wanted to be great, that’s all. I was 16 when I chose this field. How is a 16 years old supposed to choose what he wants to do with life?! I wonder about that now.. There something inherently wrong with a world that expects teenagers to find their specialty at age 16 or 17. You might find a kid this age who has found his or her passion in life, but is it the average, or is the world forcing kids to take huge decisions about life at an early age?


For me it was hard to choose, but that wasn’t the problem, I enjoyed Engineering and I could’ve easily passed my exams, maybe with an F here and an F there, but I’d have finished it. It was due to major depression that I gradually became numb! So numb that I didn’t want to go to college anymore! I tried to fight it, but it just got the best of me! I didn’t learn that I had depression until 2010 probably; two years after graduating high school, and three years before dropping out of college. It was a painful experience.. painful and frustrating; especially that my depression was just like having diabetes; it’s just a chronic condition, there’s nothing I can do about it except to cope!


I remember the day I walked to my therapist, and I didn’t know yet what was wrong with me, and she told me that what I had was “depressive tendencies”, it was such a nice word for the severe level of depression that I discovered I had! Depression is one of the hardest illnesses to beat! It was a long, long road, and I’m still fighting.

The problem with the depression was trying to find a meaning to all of it; you feel that it’s completely pointless, this sickness that is robbing you of your life one day at a time! You keep watching the days as they flow away from you, day after day! The days then turn to weeks and the weeks turn to months and the months to years, the more time passes by, the more you feel stuck in this condition, stuck in this place.


It’s especially sad when you find people taking waking up in the morning with energy for granted, when you absolutely have zero energy to do anything. Depression interferes with your reward/motivation mechanism, you stop feeling the motivation to do, or the pleasure from doing, absolutely anything.


I reach a point where I’m just extremely angry at God for doing that to me, I lose my belief in religion and in god and become like a nihilist atheist with no sense of purpose or meaning.

At a point in 2016, I took a decision not to make any change in my ideology and philosophy anymore; because it was all stemming from the depression, and the depression wasn’t real. It was real in a sense that I felt it, but in the way it made me see the world through it’s extremely dark glasses it was a distortion of reality, and a very unhelpful one!

Here I defined my main battle: Overcoming, or coping with, the depression. It wasn’t about philosophy or religion anymore, it wasn’t about abstract thoughts about morality, ethics, meaning and purpose. It was my own inner experience, I decided to use a tool from psychology instead of philosophy: cognitive behavioral techniques.

It took me many years after my life has been destroyed back and forth time after time after time to get up again, for the billionth time, to try to start all over again.

I traced back my depression to 11 years old, so now it has been 17 years. I want to overcome it. And that’s my main goal.

I want my life back, and I will get it.



What is CBT?

Here I try to write about CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy using sources from Youtube and a book.

CBT is one of the most effective treatments for things like anxiety disorders, depression disorders, bipolar depression, ADHD… and a lot of other problems.

It’s about understanding yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, learning how to get unstuck with your thoughts, developing skills to help yourself manage difficult emotions and also help you be in the situations that you want to be in.

CBT is transparent and goal oriented; it’s not ambiguous and it focuses on the present and developing skills that help you get unstuck. It’s an active treatment, with homework and activities between session and session.

CBT is short-term, and it is a therapy that psychologists have monitored and showed that it statistically improves the lives of patients. CBT believes that it isn’t so much what happened to us through life, but it’s how we think about what’s happened to us in life. Not the life event itself, but my thoughts about it.

As a patient of depression and social anxiety I first came across the word CBT in a book called Overcoming Social Anxiety & Shyness” by Gillian Butler. Up until this day I didn’t know that there was something called social anxiety, I had it, but I didn’t know it had a name.

At the beginning of the book it gives us an overview of what CBT is:

“Over the past two or three decades, there has been something of a revolution in the field of psychological treatment. Freud and his followers had a major impact on the way in which psychological therapy was conceptualized, and psychoanalysis and psychodynamic psychotherapy dominated the field for the first half of this century. So, long-term treatments were offered which were designed to uncover the childhood roots of personal problems – offered, that is, to those who could afford it. There was some attempt by a few health service practitioners with a public conscience to modify this form of treatment (by, for example, offering short-term treatment or group therapy), but the demand for help was so great that this had little impact. Also, whilst numerous case histories can be found of people who are convinced that psychotherapy did help them, practitioners of this form of therapy showed remarkably little interest in demonstrating that what they were offering their patients was, in fact, helpful.

As a reaction to the exclusivity of psychodynamic therapies and the slender evidence for its usefulness, in the 1950s and 1960s a set of techniques was developed, broadly collectively termed ‘behavior therapy’. These techniques shared two basic features. First, they aimed to remove symptoms (such as anxiety) by dealing with those symptoms themselves, rather than their deep seated underlying historical causes. Second, they were techniques, loosely related to what laboratory psychologists were finding out about the mechanisms of learning, which were formulated in testable terms. Indeed, practitioners of behavior therapy were committed to using techniques of proven value or, at worst, of a form which could potentially be put to the test. The area where these techniques proved of most value was in the treatment of anxiety disorders, especially specific phobias (such as fear of animals or heights) and agoraphobia, both notoriously difficult to treat using conventional psychotherapies.

After an initial flush of enthusiasm, discontent with behavior therapy grew. There were a number of reasons for this, an important one of which was the fact that behavior therapy did not deal with the internal thoughts which were so obviously central to the distress that patients were experiencing. In this context, the fact that behavior therapy proved so inadequate when it came to the treatment of depression highlighted the need for major revision. In the late 1960s and early 1970s a treatment was developed specifically for depression called ‘cognitive therapy’. The pioneer in this enterprise was an American psychiatrist, Professor Aaron T. Beck, who developed a theory of depression which emphasized the importance of people’s depressed styles of thinking, He also specified a new form of therapy. It would not be an exaggeration to say that Beck’s work has changed the nature of psychotherapy, not just for depression but for a range of psychological problems.

In recent years the cognitive techniques introduced by Beck have been merged with the techniques developed earlier by the behavior therapists to produce a body of theory and practice which has come to be known as ‘cognitive behavior therapy’. There are two main reasons why this form of treatment has come to be so important within the field of psychotherapy. First, cognitive therapy for depression, as originally described by Beck and developed by his successors, has been subjected to the strictest scientific testing; and it has been found to be a highly successful treatment for a significant proportion of cases of depression. Not only has it proved to be as effective as the best alternative treatments (except in the most severe cases, where medication is required), but some studies suggest that people treated successfully with cognitive behavior therapy are less likely to experience a later recurrence of their depression than people treated successfully with other forms of therapy (such as antidepressant medication). Second, it has become clear that specific patterns of thinking are associated with a range of psychological problems and that treatments which deal with these styles of thinking are highly effective. So, specific cognitive behavioral treatments have been developed for anxiety disorder, specific phobias and social phobia, obsessive compulsive disorder, and hypochondriasis (health anxiety), as well as for other conditions such as compulsive gambling, alcohol and drug addiction, and eating disorders like bulimia nervosa and binge-eating disorder. Indeed, cognitive behavioral techniques have a wide application beyond the narrow categories of psychological disorders: they have been applied effectively, for example, to helping people with low self-esteem and those with marital difficulties.”

In A Conversation with Aaron T. Beck he describes the process with which he came to develop cognitive behavior therapy.


تيل ليندمان

 تيل ليندمان المولود عام 1963 في الرابع من يناير، هو مغني وكاتب أغاني وملحن في فريق الميتال والهارد روك رامشتاين.


ابتدأت في الاستماع الى رامشتاين في العام الماضي، كجزء من استمتاعي بموسيقى الميتال بشكل عام. لنفهم السبب في أن موسيقى رامشتاين مميزة جدا علينا أوّلا أن نفهم تعبير موسيقي وهو الريف.


a short repeated phrase in popular music and jazz, typically used as an introduction or refrain in a song.
“a brilliant guitar riff”
أي أنّه مقطع صغير مُعاد، أو مقطوعة موسيقية مُكرّرة.

تمتلك رامشتاين مجموعة من أكثر الريفات المميّزة والتي تعلق في ذهنك لأسابيع وأسابيع؛ حتّى بالمقارنة بفرق الميتال الأخرى فهم مُميّزون جدا.

Rammstein – Bück dich (Official Audio)

السبب الثاني لتميز رامشتاين هو الصورة التي يقدّمون نفسهم بها، فمن اشعال النيران في أعضاء الفريق على المسرح الى استعراض أدوات جنسية تسببت في دخولهم السجن في مرّة، لا يمكن أن تنسى فيديو كليب أو حفلة لرامشتاين:

Rammstein Bück Dich live explicit

كبير جدا
صغير جدا
الحجم يفرق على كل حال
كبير جدا
صغير جدا
يمكنه أن يكون أكبر قليلاً
مرسيدس بنز والأوتوبان
أسافر وحدي في البلد الغريب
الرحلة الرحلة، متعة السواقة
أريد أن أستمتع لا أن أقع في الحب
فقط قليلا…
مجرد عاهرة!
أنتِ تملكين مِهبلاً
أنا أملك قضيباً
فما المشكلة؟
فلنفعلها بسرعة
خذيني الآن قبل أن يفوت الوقت
الحياة قصيرة، لا يمكنني الانتظار
خذيني الآن، ألا ترين؟
لا يمكنني الحصول على الجنس في ألمانيا!
قصير جدا
طويل جدا
لا يهم، حجمٌ واحد يسع الكل
كبيرٌ جدا، صغيرٌ جدا
الحاجز عليه أن يُفتح!
أيتها المرأة الجميلة، أنتِ تريدين المزيد
بلتزكريج مع السلاح اللحميّ
الكحول في الرأس، أيتها العروس الجميل
ضعي السجق في المخلل الملفوف!

قد يعتقد المستمع أو المشاهد لرامشتاين للمرّة الأولى أنّها فرقة تسعى لاحداث الضجيج واصدار محتوى لا معنى له، وسيكون هذا الشخص أبعد ما يكون عن الحقيقة.

 خلف هذه الموسيقى الصاخبة والكلمات الصادمة والمشاهد العنيفة، رامشتاين هي احدى تلك الفرق، التي لا تخشى التساؤلات والموضوعات المهمة؛ تستخدم رامشتاين أسلوب الرمز والسخرية والتهكم والازدراء في كلماتهم وأدائهم، وهم قليلو الظهور جدّا في اللقاءات التلفزيونية، ويرفضون شرح المقصود من فنهم في هذه اللقاءات، ما يفتح الباب لجميع التفسيرات الظاهرية والمتعمقة للنص.


فمثلا نجد على موقع جينياس، الموقع المعني بشرح كلمات الأغاني، أن حتى معجبي رامشتاين المخلصين لم يجدوا مناصاً من الاختلاف في معنى أغنية “بوسي” أو مِهبَل، فرآها هذا بمعناها المباشر؛ أنّها تحتفي بالجنس، بينما قدم آخر تفسيراً أكثر عُمقاً بُناءً على الفيديو كليب؛ قائلاً فيما معناه: “… يستخدم تيل أسلوب التهكم، كما في أغنية “أمريكا” التي تبدو أنها مديح لأمريكا، بينما في الحقيقة هي ازدراء للنموذج الاقتصادي السام، مطاعم الفاست فود، وعمالة الأطفال في دول العالم الثالث.

في فيديو “بوسي” يصور نوادي التعري، الدعارة وصناعة البورن. وأيضاً يتضمن فتاة تُحضر الى غرفة الأوتيل في حقيبة سفر! فمن الواضح أن الأغنية تشير الى معاملة المرأة في صناعة الدعارة والأفلام الاباحية في ألمانيا. حتى أنا أرى هذا المعنى رغم أنّي أبعد ما أكون عن النسوية…. “


استخدام فرقة الميتال الألمانية رامشتاين للغتهم الأم في أغلب أغانيهم يجعل للاستماع لأغانيهم متعة أكبر، فالألمانية لغة عنيفة الملافظ، بالنسبة لغير المتحدث بها. وهي تليق جدّا بموسيقى الميتال الصاخبة.

Rammstein – Rosenrot (Official Video)

رأت فتاةً وردة صغيرة
أزهرت هناك في مرتفعات مضيئة
سألت حبيبها
اذا كان يمكنه أن يحضرها لها
هي تريدها وهذا حسن
هكذا كان وهكذا دائما سيكون
هي تريدها وهذا هو العُرف
أيّما أرادت أُعطيت
آبارٌ عميقة يجب أن تُحفَر
اذا أردت ماءً نقيا
حمراء-وردة .. آهٍ حمراء-وردة
الماء العميق لا يجري بهدوء
يصعد الفتى الجبل في عذاب
هو لا يهتمُ حقّا بالمشهد
فقط الوردة الصغيرة في عقله
يحضرها الى حبيبته
هي تريدها وهذا حسن
هكذا كان وهكذا دائما سيكون
هي تريدها وهذا هو العُرف
أيّما أرادت أُعطيت
آبارٌ عميقة يجب أن تُحفَر
اذا أردت ماءً نقيا
حمراء-وردة .. آهٍ حمراء-وردة
الماء العميق لا يجري بهدوء
عند جزمته، ينكسر حجرا
لا يريد أن يكون على الحافة مزيداً من الوقت
وصرخةٌ تُعلمُ الجميع
أن الاثنين يسقطان الى الأرض
هي تريدها وهذا حسن
هكذا كان وهكذا دائما سيكون
هي تريدها وهذا هو العُرف
أيّما أرادت أُعطيت
آبارٌ عميقة يجب أن تُحفَر
اذا أردت ماءً نقيا
حمراء-وردة .. آهٍ حمراء-وردة
الماء العميق لا يجري بهدوء
* * *
روزِن-روت أو حمراء-وردة هي أول أغنية أسمعها لرامشتاين .. الفيديو مثير للغاية، والموسيقى شديدة الغموض والظلامية، روزِن-روت  هي أغنية من ألبوم رامشتاين الخامس من عام 2005 المُعنوَن بنفس الاسم، تتكلم الأغنية عن الأفعال العبثية التي يقوم بها الناس باسم الحب، والتي قد تنتهي بالموت!
   الأغنية مقتبسة من قصيدة جوته المسماة “وردة صغيرة في الحقل” أو هيدِنـروزلين منشورة عام 1799 وتم تحويلها الى معزوفة.


Rammstein – Amerika (Official Video)

يُمكننا الكلام لساعات عن رامشتاين.. فهم بحرٌ واسع.. وأتمنّى أن أكون قد شددتك قليلاً للخوض في غمار هذه التجربة الموسيقية الشديدة.

Artistically Painting Your Life

Life is a continuous process of learning. Sometimes you don’t know what you want to do with your life, and that needs creativity. One needs the balance between single mindedness & variety. You need to get these creativity juices going.

The human mind is the single most complicated thing in our vast universe, having control over it is my single most exciting goal I have in life. Your psyche is designed as a tool for your body to survive, a good psyche means better survival skills. Investing in your mind is the most valuable investment you can ever make.

Watching what you eat and your diet, practicing mindfulness and meditation, prayer, getting into the state of flow, living in the NOW, concentrating and focusing, being immersed intensely in what you do, reading and feeding your brain good information, laughing, connecting to human beings, practicing CBT, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and DBT skills, keeping a daily journal, doing puzzles and solving mathematical problems, learning something new, practising a new skill, listening to or learning to play music are all ways of achieving that.

I embrace a growth mindset, I aim for constant growth, cultivating growth over the long-run is my single most important aim in life.

Having concrete goals is exciting, but being creative with your goals and feeding them from different sources, playfully exploring them and anticipating what could come out of your artistic outlook on life is one of the most exciting things in life.

Making a new friend, reading a little bit in your holy book, practicing some spirituality, painting or colouring, listening to some Beethoven or System Of A Down, or practicing The Power Of Now, or Eat That Frog, are all ways of creatively adding value and different elements to your life.

Your mind the most valuable asset, and it creates your life; thoughts turn into action and actions become behaviours and behaviours become attitudes and attitudes become habits and your habits are your life. So what you feed your brain, you receive in your life; it’s like planting a seed, every thought is a seed that you water by working by it. You choose which seeds you water and which ones you don’t, you choose the wolf you feed.

I have major depression but I think life is beautiful, life is superb, life is magnificent, you just need to hang in through the hard times.

3.3 GPA

Hello again. It’s Monday; I opened my blog, looked at what I wrote in the ending of 2019, it was good. It was a turbulent time; I was thinking about studying statistics and programming, then starting a career as a data scientist. You see; when I was working at the bookstore back in March 2019, I had an epiphany; that I’m not that good at sales and customer service related jobs. I can become better at socializing, but there’s no point from resisting my nature as an introvert and working where my point of weakness is needed as a skill. I decided I would work at something that needs you to work solo.

Suddenly another epiphany hit me, why not work as a translator? I can work from home, and I won’t need much social skills, I’m good at both English and Arabic, and there’s a 4 years program at the faculty of arts in my hometown. “Why not?” I said to myself.

I asked my father, and his attitude was supportive, asked my mother and aunts, and they thought it was a great idea, but what about being 28? I asked this question to myself, then asked it here in a blogpost. God sent me a random friend from life who told me who cares if I’m late? Do what you gotta do to succeed, be fearless and courageous. I listened to him, and to my therapist’s advice: to be courageous and try, I’ve got nothing to lose if I try.

The experience was more than fulfilling, I’ve never been so happy in my life, never been so committed, never been so good at something like at the English and translation major.

So I thanked Allah, I had my ups and downs, but it’s all good.

My GPA now is 3.3. I’m proud of this, this is more than I’ve ever imagined to get when I were an Engineer to be.

And we’ll continue later, bye! Cheers!

The Power of Now

I’m really proud of this blog; I feel that it’s a much advanced manifestation of my older blog, I feel that it represents a much calmer and enlightened me.

As I said before this is journaling blog; I don’t want to be famous, I don’t have a niche; it’s just a blog about me.

I suffered from major depression for most of my life, and from Avoidant Personality Disorder and Social Anxiety; I have low self esteem and low self confidence; I suffer from an addiction to nicotine, and Facebook.

I believe that our brains are plastic; every dysfunctional thought habit of ours could be reversed, you could turn the most vicious of minds into a calm and peaceful one.

One day I was materialistic; I didn’t believe in a God, a soul/spirit, and I didn’t believe in consciousness. It was an important experience for me; because I realized how important those notions are: The notion of a One True God, the notion of soul/spirit, the notion of faith and the notion of conscious.

Now I’m a totally different person, I arised from suicidal depression like a Phoenix from the ashes. I’m a much stronger soul. I believe in God, I believe in Islam to be my way to the truth.

I’m a much spiritual human being now, I believe and I have faith that God and his universe work in our own best interest, I believe in my own responsibility to make my life right, and I think I can. And I surely will.

When I was sitting alone for years during my suicidal depression; I realized one important truth; that every single small step, for good or bad, has a domino effect on your life, every single small choice has a huge effect on the long run; you just need to practice and train yourself to take more of the good choices; that choices that have proved to make your life better, and cut through the dysfunctional ones.

I’m now a much stronger human being, I started praying and doing my work, I call the people I love, I tidy up my home, I do the dishes and the laundry, I keep a positive mental state during the Corona quarantine, I chat with my loved ones; my family and friends, I write in my journals, I practice gratitude every single day, I practice positive affirmations, I stick to my daily routine, get enough hours of sleep, get enough nutrition, tell the people I love that I love them; I AM DOING BETTER.

But that’s not enough, I’m still feeling the potential for more positive change.

I will start practicing The Power of Now. You can Google it.

I have suffered for so long from addiction to thinking, it’s time to regain my mental clarity; and NOW, not tomorrow, not someday, but NOW.

Join me on my journey to bettering ourselves, and I hope to see you in a future blog post.

With love ❤ ~ Mo

I just love University life! (Small journal)

Second day at college; I’m remembering myself 11 years ago when I was just 17 straight outta high school, at my first year at Engineering school. I feel blessed that after 11 years I’m experiencing the same emotions and vibes again. Having the opportunity for higher education is a blessing that I should be thankful about, a lot of people around the world don’t get that chance. Being in an educational environment stimulates your brain and gets you all excited about learning new things. Being a student is very fun, especially if you’re both interested and good at the subjects.

As I sayed before I’m studying translation. Today I had two lectures, one is ‘Reading’ (English) and the other is ‘Arabic Grammar’. I’m very good at both so I was excited about the lectures. I even raised my hands a couple of times to answer some questions and that gave me a boost of confidence.

I never imagined myself as someone who would be interested in humanistic studies. Back in high school I thought I was all about the Math and the Science. Now I’m back to school a different person, very excited about humanities and social sciences.

I guess this field of translation would feed both my hunger to knowledge and my love for the English language.

I stayed in England for 6 years in my early childhood and it was the best childhood one can have, I have a great respect for the west and western nations, I love Europe and North America, so being able to study in English is a blessing for me.

Hopefully this semester would turn out to be a good one. I’m grateful anyway to be able to be back to school again.

Till we meet again, dear journal!

~ M.

10 Years Today

10 years ago I was this 18 year old kid, at his second year at college studying Engineering.

My first year went well, and I decided to specialize in Mechatronics.

I was so excited for this relatively new specialisation, I’d become an Engineer like my father who has a Ph. D. in Electrical Engineering from a British university and my uncle who is a Mechanical Engineer working in Canada.

I was very good at Maths and Physics and I always thought I’d become an Engineer. I had no knowledge or interest at the time in the social sciences or philosophy. I was all about the Maths and the Physics.

I lived in a city called Tenth of Ramadan City which is an industrial city near Cairo. It is 437.9 km away from my hometown. I lived in a dorm where I made so many good friends and went a technological institute there.

Hossam Nada Photography

I was happy, away from my small, boring hometown, living a new adventure. I was optimistic about the future. And living in a city northern Egypt gave me the chance to meet people from all over the country (Suez, Al Sharqia, Mansoura, Alexandria, Cairo, Menofia, Port Said, Sohag, Al Gharbia and other places). It also gave me the chance to hang out in Cairo (the capital city) every now and then.

It was my first time living on my own away from home, I was getting good grades, making new friends at the dorm and at college, and things were just going great.

But in the dark, an old friend of mine was slowly creeping on me. I never really knew his name, but I’ve felt his presence since I was 11 years old; his name was depression.

It was with me since my teenage years, but this year, the second year at college, it took a toll on me. And I started 10 years in hell.

I don’t know the reason I’m depressed or why in this specific time did it become crippling, all I know is that I have it for some reason or another.

Depression is a chronic illness that might keep recurring for your entire life, for me, it never even goes away.

I’m remembering that to remind myself of how far I’ve come, and how much I had to bare with.

I’m a hero for being alive, a hero for being back to school, and a hero for being open about my mental illness.

All I want to say is that hope is there. I might write about this period of my life someday, but I’m not ready now.

If you are suffering from mental illness, I’m living proof that it is possible to survive. I know all about being in the darkest of places in your mind.

Let’s reach out today and keep pushing forward.

Let’s end the stigma and keep fighting.

Being a person with mental illness is being a hero ❤

Thank you for reading.

~ M.

I want to stop oversleeping


One of the potential symptoms of depression is oversleeping. While many people with depression report insomnia, about 15% suffer with oversleeping.

People with long sleep durations are more likely to have persistent depression or anxiety symptoms.

Some research shows that irregularities in the body’s sleep clock may play a role in depressive symptoms, and returning sleep to a healthy pattern is often a focus of treatment.

People with major depression, also known as clinical depression, show disrupted circadian rhythms across brain regions.

Research also links longer sleep habits with:

  • Cognitive impairment
  • Increased inflammation
  • Increased pain
  • Impaired fertility
  • Higher risk of obesity
  • Higher risk of diabetes
  • Higher risk of heart disease
  • Higher risk of stroke
  • Higher all-cause mortality

According to the National Sleep Foundation we need 7 – 9 hours of sleep in a 24 hour cycle.

How to prevent oversleeping:

  • Expose yourself to bright sunlight upon awakening. Consider leaving the drapes or blinds open at night. That morning sunlight will help you to wake up.
  • Avoid excessive naps especially after 4 PM. These may make it more difficult to fall asleep and result in oversleeping. The same goes for excessive caffeine and blue light exposure close to bedtime.
  • Determine your wake time, based on your schedule.
  • Get up at the same time everyday, including weekends.
  • Put your alarm clock across the room. When it rings, get up.
  • Go to bed at the same time every night, within about 1/2 hour range.
  • Eat breakfast within 30 minutes of rising. People who eat breakfast are more likely to wake with energy and habitually eating breakfast increases metabolism (and promotes better sleep at night).
  • Drift off to sleep thinking of something – even small – that you’re looking forward to the next day.
  • Get consistent sunlight.

Continue reading “I want to stop oversleeping”

Reminders for a socially anxious mind

  • Remember that people are mostly centred around themselves, they each have their own insecurities about how they look and how they act, and they all have their own lives with all the problems and drama that come with them. So they are not that focused on you.
  • Each and everyone of those people probably has some degree of social anxieties. They fear humiliation and making fools out of themselves, and they fear not being accepted just like you.
  • Don’t ever call yourself awkward or weird or an outcast, you are a human being and you are worthy of respect and acceptance, and you are part of the larger society.
  • Complete this sentence and try to generate as many answers as possible: “I need to accept myself; because….”
  • Complete this sentence and try to generate as many answers as possible: “I need to stop comparing myself to others; because….”
  • When you’re talking to someone and your mind wanders remind yourself that they are probably focused on their own business and not judging you in their minds and return to your focus again.
  • Gradually expose yourself to your fears; if you are afraid of beautiful girls, instead of avoiding them when they are in your way try staying where you are for a minute or two, it’s okay, keep taking action.
  • Imagine if someone else was in your place, would you think they were awkward? What would they be doing if they are in your same situation?
  • Every person has his or her way of communicating, it’s okay to be different, it’s okay to be special, you don’t need to conform to deserve acceptance and respect.
  • Notice and be mindful of unhelpful thoughts, if you’re thinking “they must all hate me and think I’m a loser”, be aware that this is just a thought, not reality. They are probably thinking a thousand different things.
  • Be compassionate to others. Try to see them with an eye of love not fear.
  • Be compassionate with yourself and practice self love.

Illustration courtesy of Rachel Idzerda

I need to accept myself; because I deserve acceptance and love.

I need to accept myself to stop resisting my life situation and start working with it.

I need to accept myself; because that is the first step towards healing.

I need to stop comparing myself to others; because I’m hurting myself.

I need to stop comparing myself to others; because it’s an unhelpful thought.

I need to stop comparing myself to others; because it’s causing me depression.

With love ~ M