In 2019, when I was living in “A…..” in “E….”, I had just gotten dismissed from a job as a receptionist in Gym called “U………. Gym”; owned by a local businessman named “U….”, who was the older brother of my dear friend “A….”, who died in 2018 from a heart attack.
My youngest aunt told me about a job in the bookstore near us called “W….”, meaning (gleam, or sparkle), I applied to the job as a sales person, and a cashier, they called me to do the interview, I was very excited and anxious, I had butterflies in my stomach, I was so worried, I was afraid of failure and humiliation, I wanted not to go, but I went, but I went, when I went over there all the applicants were young women in their 20s. I felt anxious and worried, I love women so much so I hate to show it, I hate looking vulnerable to them, but I love them so much.
The girls went in one by one, when it was my turn I got up and went in, I was asked some questions and answered them briefly, I didn’t talk a lot back then.
I got the job (For my surprise!) and they called me and asked me to show up after two days.
I worked there for 10 consecutive days with no holidays, it was my training period, on the last day a woman asked me about something, I was exhausted, I just starred at her and said nothing, it was almost 10 o’clock. I had been standing there for 8 hours, I had no energy left. So I said nothing. My colleague answered for me. He was my trainer, he was a high school student 10 years younger than me, and he was the only other male with me in the store.
The fatigue caused by the depression was killing me, I slept all day, and went to work, and smoked! Nothing more! Nothing less! Just work and sleep and work and sleep. I got tired, so I decided that I wanted time off for myself, I will spend a year without a job and get treated from the depression.
I was 27 at the time, I wanted to work there for 3 years. But it didn’t happen, I was too tired to do anything.
I don’t know how to fix this fatigue problem, but I will need to. I called “Mr. M……” the owner of the business, and asked him to excuse me from continuing the rest of my three months training, I thought to myself that I would be lying to him if I said that I was going to stay, I knew I had fatigue and that something needed to be done about it. So he excused me, but he respected that I called, telling me that others used to just quit with no notice previously.
After that I stayed at home depressed and fatigued. Mr. L****, my colleague at the bookstore (who also left at the same time, and who had noticed me since the day of the interview), contacted me on Facebook, she asked whether I’d be interested in studying German with her, she had a crush on me but I didn’t know at the time. I said yes! So we went together to the German courses. The instructor was great; she had patience, wore neat and fancy cloths, and I actually liked her.
She was about my age, but I wasn’t working, and she was. I was devastated; why did God give me depression? I hated it. I wanted to heal, or ‘be healed’ so badly.
I didn’t show up to the final exam; cause I was so unfocused the days before to be able to study. My mind was wandering and chattering all the time, I had ADD like symptoms. I still have. So I didn’t show up for the exam.
And that’s today’s story.